Could some of the crazy antics that seem to only take place in Florida be turned into Olympic events? We call this the Florida Man Olympics.
The wild and crazy things that appear in the news and make us wonder why so many strange things happen in Florida can lead to some interesting events. Could these events become competitions in which players challenge each other for a trophy? Maybe that trophy will be in the shape of the state that made them famous for doing something odd.
Here are some unique ideas that could become the Florida Man Olympics.
Semi-Truck Riding
This event could be similar to bull riding, with contestants timed for the longest to hang onto the hood of a semi-truck while the truck driver works to buck them off of the vehicle. Yes, this event is based on a recent event that occurred on I-95 in Florida, in which a man was hanging onto the hood of a semi-truck while it was driving down the interstate. Imagine the crazy truck names and drivers that contestants could draw to try and stay on the hood the longest.
Roadkill Defecation
Most of us might never want to see a person poop on a dead animal, but it happened, and such an event could be part of the Florida Man Olympics. Contestants could be judged similarly to how gymnastics is judged, which might make it interesting to listen to judges tell us why a certain participant received the scores that they did. Would you tune in to see several people line up to poop on roadkill? If you’re answering honestly, this event might grab your attention.
Tire Slashing
A man in Florida (where else) claimed he was sabotaged by secret government exposure after he slashed 27 tires. This could easily become an event with contestants racing through a maze of several tires to slash as many tires as possible while being timed. When the time runs out, the totals are tallied up, and the winner is the contestant who has slashed the most tires. Can you imagine how crazy this event would be and how much fun it might be to cheer on the tire slashers?
Shopping Cart Jousting
Does everyone in Florida own a shopping cart? Although we know that’s not the case, many people do have a cart, and they could be used as a Florida Man Olympics event called Shopping Cart Jousting. This would be an event with two people in a team, one in the cart and one pushing. The person in the cart can use a broom handle to try to knock the other team out of their cart or cause the cart to tip over. This would be a lot of fun to participate in and watch.
Alligator Wrestling
Nothing says Florida Man like wrestling an alligator. This could be a cool event that seems like something you’ve probably seen before. Much like the semi-truck riding event, the contestants would be required to wrestle for a set amount of time or win a pin of the alligator. This event would be even more interesting if it were to take place in the water, where an alligator might have a strong advantage. The element of possible mortality could add a little more entertainment to such an event.
Excavator Races
How much fun would it be to watch excavators race one another, especially if the race involved using the bucket and construction elements of the machine? This would be a great Florida Man Olympics event that gives a nod to an actual man who stole an excavator and went for a joyride that ended up crashing into a Wal-Mart. This inspiration could be used during the races, which would require completing various elements during the race.
Rectum Filling
It seems some people in Florida have an affinity for their posterior and rectums. Instead of something coming out, the event could be inserting many objects into a person’s rectum. This is another inspired event that draws from the story of a man in Florida who said multiple syringes found in his rectum didn’t belong to him. How that happens is a mystery, but the contest would award contestants with the most items in their rectums with trophies, although the price paid might be greater than the reward.
Although entertaining, we can’t imagine the Florida Man Olympics becoming a real contest with these events, but some of them would certainly be fun to watch.
David Martin